Today I was cleaning out my filing cabinet and in a file of “Jokes and Goodies”, I found this transcript and thought it would be a great share. I don’t know where it came from, but thank the author for his/her wisdom.
INSTALLING HEART SOFTWARE
A customer was experiencing difficulty installing the HEART program. She called the company that wrote the program to get help. This is a transcript of a portion of the conversation between the Customer and the Customer Service Representative:
Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to instll while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma’am?
Customer: Let me see… I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma’am?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, I’m done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops…I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS”. What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on externals HEARTs but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE’ your own machine before it can “LOVE” others.
Customer: What should I do?
CS Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE form all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! my HEART is fulling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTEWNTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
CS Rep: The LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go…
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to git it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.
Hope this helps you get your new “software” installed correctly and that it runs smoothly. Remember, if the system crashes, keep these instructions handy and simply re-install.
Until next time –
Mitakuye Oyasin (A Lakota prayer reminding us we are all related),